Monster of Love: Surviving Love/Sex Addicts and Spiritual Predators
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Psycho Shaman

When My Past Came Calling, I Should Have Hit "DELETE"

The Chameleon

"Rapists, pedophiles, financial scam artists who prey on the elderly. We read about predators every day in the papers, see it on the news. But not every predator is of the knife wielding, fast talking, and shifty-eyed sort. Some predators walk among us every day unnoticed, sit on our Boards of Directors, attend our churches, maybe even teach our children. We need to move away from our stereotypical ideas of what characteristics make up a predator. He could be 5’11’’ tall with curly dark hair and sparkling brown eyes and a killer grin. PZ is one such predator.”



“He is a chameleon. He becomes exactly what the victim wants to see. He is a saint to the Bishop, staunch Republican to the politicians, father to the childless, and kindness incarnate to the many women who have been brutalized by nasty husbands. He spends all his time pleasing other people, while the secret anger and rage he feels from hiding and disguising his true self builds up.”


The man who violated us is a chameleon and championship liar, most of us wonder if even he knows who he is, and even more astonishing ... how did he ever keep his stories straight? I will do the best I can through first hand knowledge as told by him, collected emails, Instant Messages, public records and recollections of his former victims to construct a basic understanding of this man. His story changes depending on the needs or desires of his current obsession. Once more of "his women" come forward, I’m sure a better picture or even more muddled one will manifest.

A business man and community leader in North Dakota, he is the father of one grown son, former husband of an artist/medical technician and claims to have been: past president of several organizations, former school board advisor and political lobbyist. He used to pilot small planes, for a short time was co-owner of a ski resort. He used to race bicycles competitively, liked hot air balloons, sailing, white water rafting, scuba diving, he use to enjoy fine wines and growing peonies. He enjoys visiting his family's old homestead. He is a natural healer and Reiki Master. He recently graduated (supposedly in May 2004) from University with degrees in business and psychology. He is a predator.

The basic and most important facts as stated by him are, he is a love/sex addict, claims to suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder, ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), dyslexia, and has harmed a multitude of women by emotional, mental, spiritual, energetic and physical manipulation.

In The Beginning

Born in a small town in North Dakota in March of 1955, the accounts of his youth vary on who he’s telling the tale to. The story told to me was that his parents were happily married but had little time to give their children. He claims that his issues with abandonment started when he was 3 days old when his mother left him with a nanny. He says he has many blocked memories, large spans of his youth he does not recall, but has hinted at abuse in his upbringing in the Catholic Church. He attended Catholic schools.

The parish priest who officiated at both his parents’ funerals, recently confessed to have molested children and, I believe has been defrocked.

"PZ" and his father shared something they called “The Witchy,” they were able to read each others’ mind, communicate telepathically. He said it was not easy growing up with a father who could read your mind and knew where you were every moment. He finally learned to cloak himself from it. This may also be the reason for his claim that he had never masturbated until the age of 35. His father also taught him how to use his healing gift.

The childhood story he had told another of his victims was that he was a chronic bed wetter, and that his parents shamed him for it. He claimed to her that he had wet his bed on his wedding night.

He once told me he suspected a former baby sitter of sexually abusing him, a woman who years later attended his parents' funerals. He thought he might be getting a flashback of some kind, but he really couldn’t remember.

Another childhood memory he shared with me was when he was around 5-years old. His mother would drag him to what a 5-year old would consider insufferably long, boring meetings, he hated them. During one such meeting he started screaming, his mother took him by the hand drug him home and never took him back to a meeting again. He got exactly what he wanted and perhaps an early taste of manipulation and bad behavior rewarded.

His childhood, minus the “missing blocks of time” he claimed both he and his sister shared, seemed otherwise normal.

At 19 he became engaged to his high school sweetheart. He claimed that before the wedding she became pregnant and that her family talked her into an abortion, they couldn’t take the shame of their daughter walking down the aisle with child. He knew nothing of her pregnancy and was in the hospital himself (if memory serves me well, I believe he said he was having his appendix removed) when he was informed she was having an abortion. He claims her family convinced her that he would never forgive her, being the good Catholic boy that he was. The wedding was called off.

He married “J”a few years later, they had one son and raised 7 foster children. He doesn’t seem to be in touch with any of the foster children, he had told “T” that he acquired his two large German Shepherds after a former foster daughter’s boyfriend threatened to kill him. He never told her why, just that this daughter was now a “whore,” and that the German Shepherds were acquired from another of his lovers in Denver.

Although he had youthful aspirations to be an attorney or politician, he dropped out of college to help his father manage the business where he still works today.

In April of 2003 his divorce became final, according to him.

The Recent Past

He spent 35 days as an inpatient at The Meadows Addiction Recovery Center in Wickenburg, Arizona in November-December of 2000 for his disease after once again being caught by his then wife. One of his counselers in treatment was Dr. Patrick Carnes, an expert in the field of love/sex addiction. PZ claimed to have been in therapy and regularly attending AA meetings until sometime in 2003. I later found out that he told a former lover that he never went to the AA meetings and was working on his addiction "spiritually".

I met this man online on September 5th, 2000, just before he entered recovery, He convinced me he was the other half of my soul, a term I'd not heard before, “twinflames.” I was convinced his being “caught” and his recovery was only another sign that we were on the right path. Logic would have told me to run as fast as I could away from this man ... but he is good. Really good at knowing what you want to hear, manipulating your energy field and being who you wish him to be. Others have described it as a form of hypnosis. I never doubted his sincerity in his quest to be “whole and healthy, to give me his all.”

Most of our relationship was conducted by phone and one passionate and weird 6 hour meeting in person in September of 2002. After entering recovery, he told me he was not allowed to be online, that changed in April of 2003 when returning to school necessitated an internet connection, little did I know he was lying even about that and had been maintaining online and phone communications with at least one of his former lovers. The "new" email address he gave me, she had had for years. On April 13, 2003 he sent me what he claimed was his first email in 30 some months. I felt so happy that he'd moved up a step in his recovery.

In the years that followed his recovery we shared many books and articles on healing, spirituality, inner child issues, twinflame relationships and love/sex addictions. I created a very popular spiritual/metaphysical/holistic website inspired by our "love and healing." He claims he was never able to view Soul2Soul until April of 2003, two years after it was launched.

My full story will soon come, hopefully along with the stories from his other conquests, but the basic gist of it, I was by his side through his recovery, we read and studied all we could about love/sex addiction and codependency. I told him I never wanted to end up where his other victims were, he assured me I was different, I was the other half of his soul. I found out recently that this was a line he had used on others, he was only setting me up as his next victim, perhaps I was only his “hidden bottle” for all these years.

He inexplicably broke it off with me in March of 2004, only telling me not to write or call him anymore, no explanation other than “we weren’t healthy for each other” and he somehow managed to convince me that it was I who caused the breakup and feigned anger and hurt. I spent many months trying to convince him otherwise or to at least get him to talk to me and give me closure, he only said that there was no other woman, and compared me to Job from the bible, and that I probably didn’t know who that was or even owned a bible, he was wrong. A friend pointed out that it seemed he was telling me he was comparing himself to Satan since in the story of Job it was Satan who caused such suffering to Job trying to make him renounce God. I was even more confused and wondered if his recent bible studies and years in AA had turned him into a Christian zealot.

I later find this is a common way for him to make his exit, without closure, and leaving a hint at a return so the heartbroken and confused woman would be too humiliated to confront him or harm him as he went on to his next victim. As two of the survivors so expressively explain it:

“I think the reason his victims are still talking about him years later, is because none of us had closure. Most of us didn't see it coming, and most of us got a flaky rejection that left us puzzled and confused. He doesn't own any of his behavior, and we are all sitting overwhelmed, numbed by the blast of conflicting information, doubting the realities of our own perceptions. Its a big chapter in our lives that just left us weirdly hanging. There was no rhyme or reason to it, it was such a paradoxical experience we just can't assimilate it, put it into order, and process it. Its just f*^#ing WEIRD that a man would invest so much time and energy into something so f*^#ed up...its unbelievable...and we keep scrambling for rational explanations so we can close the door and get on with our lives.”


“He told me that as long as a woman thought there was even a tiny chance of continuing with him, he knew she’d never do anything seriously bad.”


On June 20, 2004 he informed me by a short, curt email:

“I'm truly the happiest I have ever been in my life. I know what I want and whom I want it with. We are going to be married in the spring. I don't want you to call or write me.”

My shock was enormous, how could this man who had said I was “the woman he loved, the other half of his soul” only months before be telling me he was marrying someone else? How did he meet this “woman he would take as his wife” in 4 short months? I was devastated, and felt betrayed by both him and myself.

By August, I was finally able to let it go and wrote about my 6 month long absence from my website on my July/August newsletter. For me it was a an act of healing and release. I didn’t realize he had never removed himself from the newsletter email list. A week later I received this email:

“This is "P's" wife in response to your most recent email. "P" has requested no further contact with you, and it was expected that you would respect his wishes.

"P" is happy, healthy and living a mutually satisfying and marvelously fulfilling life beyond our greatest expectations with me, his wife.

We have all loved and lost and felt confused with life's occurrences. My advice to you "h.", is get over it and get on with your life.

Your emails will now be blocked hence you have not abided by "P's" wishes.“

It was not signed.

My complacency at letting this beast go with loving forgiveness changed into outrage when I realized he was repeating the same pattern he’d used on his past victims. He would convince his latest conquest that she was his wife, or would be his wife, ignoring the fact that at that time he already HAD a wife. Then he would get his new “love” to write to all the other victims that he’d grown bored with, wiping his slate clean for his next round. His previous victims tell me that much of the text of these emails were nearly identical to what he had them write for him in the past.

I am smart enough to know that he or his supposed "spouse" could have read the newsletter to see that I was indeed getting "over him." Or that at least between the two of them, could have figured out how to click on the "unsubscribe" button on the page and let me be. Instead, like his previous M.O. he chose to tear off my freshly healing scar and have his new conquest rub salt into it. I'm sure this act of cruelty elevated his trust level with her and proved that I was only another stalker or mentally imbalanced woman who misunderstood his "friendship" with me.

Generally he tells his latest flame that the previous one was mentally unbalanced or has now become a stalker, fact is, his mental manipulation and subtle energy work generally makes his lovers at least temporarily insane. Often he has extracted past promises from his victims to" never leave him," to "keep him in their heart no matter what happens," encouraging them to call him just to hear his voice, and that he would do the same, just so they know the connection is never broken. In keeping his victims hanging this way, he always has a multitude of "hidden bottles" to choose from.

His victims have described him as a “brain rapist,” "sociopath," “mind-f**ker,” “Svengali" "soul collector" "serial lover" or just a complete jerk. After reading about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I found the profile chillingly familiar.

“His aim is to try to make women do something they said they would never do. He said he tries to take them to a place where he has total control. It somehow compensates for his sense of inadequacy. On some level, somewhere, he has to know how wrong his behavior is.


His Harem

“He is a master manipulator and con. He won't hesitate to take any honest feeling you have and use it against you. The facts are: he lies, both directly and by omission. He manipulates and thinks its a big game. He has invented so many lies about himself its a wonder he still remembers his own name.”


He consciously chooses women in the visual, healing, or spiritual arts, compassionate lightworkers, creative, intelligent, strong and spiritual, or well educated, confident overachievers, women that he felt would not go after him when he would inevitably screw them over, women who would either be too humiliated or too forgiving to confront him in anger. The women he targeted were also deeply wounded, survivors of past trauma, heartache, abuse. He cultivated a knowledge of what women wanted and needed and became that for each one of them.

“He takes the rage out on women, by being "kind" to them, by "giving them what they want to be happy". He once told me the secret was "...I listen to what people say until I figure out what they need to be happy, then I give it to them..." Oh, he gives it to them all right. He told me once he liked to play a game to see how far he could push a woman ... to see what he could get her to do that she really didn't want to do.

He uses his intuition and energy field to learn what a woman has secretly wanted and needed her entire life, then he gives it to her or becomes what she wants.”


He used the internet to meet his women, then carefully and patiently cultivated “intimate” relationships with a select few while having cyber, phone, or in-person sex with others. Often he never had actual sexual intercourse with his "chosen ones" telling her their relationship was "special" and doing all but the act with her. He used his "weakness" to gain sympathy with these emotionally intimate, closer contacts, asking for their help for him to overcome his "affliction." This gave the “woman of the hour” a strong sense of compassion and trust. A line he used with me and the others was that he was “naked and vulnerable” only with them, that only YOU knew him without his mask.

“One of his methods of showing trust is to let his women use his email account. He even gave me the password to his phone messages once. That's supposed to prove how well meaning he is. The truth is, he had other email addresses and he had another phone line. He used to tell T. that he had to get off the phone because he couldn't use the phone and computer at the same time. He had THREE phone lines in his office and would often talk to more than one woman at a time, putting the other on hold for stretches. Or he would be on the phone with one and on the computer with another. It was thrilling to him. He has literally been lying on the bed with me and on the computer checking out which of his harem was on line that night. (I had a laptop by the bedstand.) Said he had to keep tabs on them...they expected it.”


We are grateful for his one weakness, it seems to give him a thrill to let all of his women eventually find out about each other. Maybe this is part of his addiction to “thrill sports,” a rush like no other. But we are comparing notes, sharing “battle stories,” and helping each other in the healing process.

Still we know there are many more out there that we only remember as first names, screen names, locations or occupations, H., a shaman in Chicago, D. in Denver, Annie, “wanton,” a nameless woman in South Carolina, a singer in Seattle, a lawyer/artist in New York, a redheaded soccer mom in Buffalo, a dog breeder in Denver, a nurse in Washington state, a young married mother in Texas who was going to leave her husband for him, a lightworker in Hawaii, another young mother who drove to Bismarck with her babies in tow and then didn't have enough money for groceries when she got there, a crisis intervention specialist in Maine, a Reiki Master in Michigan, an artist/healer in Denver, ... countless others humiliated into silence. One woman was making her wedding dress, at least one packed up and moved to Bismarck on his promises of marriage. He cut a wide swath, from New York to Seattle and all stops in between. There is a story of a woman who got away, A-M from the Georgia/Florida border. He sent her a significant amount of money for her troubled business, and was left for the better part of a week waiting for her in a hotel room, he'd been taken for a ride.

Modus Operandi

He rarely met or had sex with a woman more than one or two times. He said he lost respect for them once he had sex with them.”



From what we have learned:

He is a cybersexual predator, who targets women and spends years convincing them to trust him.
He honestly admits he has multiple female interests, but claims to be stalked, or claims to be working on his healing and eliminating all the others.
He usually has between 5-10 women on the hook at all times.
He will take years to cultivate them, being kind to them, convincing them to trust, and often love him.
He likes to talk women into doing things that are not in their best interests, especially when it is something they don't want to do and feel unsafe doing, like marrying a stranger, or moving, or selling possessions, or having unsafe sex with him, or driving for 36 hours straight through just to see him for an afternoon.
Once he knows he can talk a woman into anything, or it becomes clear that he can't, he gets bored and dumps them for the next victims.
And when he dumps them: he often makes sure they know he has been using them to acquire his next victims, and makes sure they know who the past victims, and future victims are.

He has used numerous AOL screennames, often using the account of one of his women to prey on others.

It is not our intention to harm this man, but to force him to face up to his deeds and to warn others that incredible cruelties are inflicted in the name of love. From all of our recollections, he never apologized to any of his victims for his actions. He most likely never will. He usually employs a "look what you made me do to you!" attitude when caught, blaming the victim somehow for causing his indiscretions and treatment of them.

I hope in creating this website we can all eventually heal and let go, have our truths told without shame or blame, and help others who are enmeshed in unhealthy, abusive relationships with manipulative predators ... Monsters of Love, and to be set free.

We are all working at coming to a place of forgiveness and release, all of us in different stages of it, like I said, we are all exceptional women ... I'm sure he knew this. Many of us can forgive the man, at least the soul that is trapped somewhere inside this sick man's body, but his actions are unconscionable, ruthless and for some, unforgivable. Most of us are evolved enough to know that ultimately, "forgiveness is for us."

August 24, 2004

October 2004

This man has sued me for Defamation and Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress. He is still blaming the victim.

December 2004

The case was settled out of court.


"Truth is the Ultimate Justice"
"The Truth Will Set You Free"

© 2004-2007
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